Pulling Back the Curtain on Our Confidential Sexual Violence Hotline
One of the questions we hear most often is, “What happens if I call?”
It’s a perfect question to ask before picking up the phone. If you’ve never called a sexual violence hotline before, how would you know what to expect?
Maybe you’ve thought about calling before but weren’t sure what would happen. Maybe you were worried someone would pressure you into decisions you weren’t ready for. Maybe you didn’t know if the call was confidential. Or maybe you just didn’t know what you would even say.
If that’s you, I hope this helps make that first step feel a little less scary.
The first thing we’ll talk about is confidentiality
Before we ask about what happened… before we ask any questions at all… we’ll explain confidentiality. We do that because we believe you deserve to know exactly what to expect before deciding what you’d like to share.
One of our advocates might say something like this:
“Hi, thank you for calling the confidential sexual violence resource and advocacy center. My name is Ashley. Before we get started, I’d like to explain confidentiality so you know exactly what to expect.
Everything we talk about is confidential, and this call is never recorded. You don’t have to share your name with me if you don’t want to — you’re welcome to remain anonymous. If you do decide to share your name, it’s simply so we can keep supporting you if you’d like counseling, advocacy, or other services, or if you decide to call us again in the future.
There are a few very limited situations where the law requires us to take additional steps to help keep people safe. Those include concerns about someone being at risk of seriously harming themselves or someone else, concerns about child abuse, abuse of an older adult, or abuse of a vulnerable adult.
I know that’s a lot of information, so I always like to explain it before we talk about anything personal. That way, you know exactly what confidentiality means and can decide what you’re comfortable sharing today. Do you have any questions before we continue?”
One of the things we believe strongly at Karolina’s Place is that survivors deserve information. We never want someone to tell us something and then be surprised later. We want you to understand confidentiality from the very beginning, so you can make informed choices about what you’d like to share.
Then we’ll just have a conversation
After we’ve talked about confidentiality, we’ll usually spend a few moments getting to know you. Not because we’re interviewing you or testing you — just because we’d like to understand how we can best support you. You might hear questions like:
- “What would you like me to call you?”
- “What county are you calling from today?”
- “How old are you?”
- “What made you decide to call today?”
Every question has a reason. If we ask what county you’re calling from, it’s because sexual violence services are organized by county throughout New Jersey. Knowing where you are helps us connect you with the resources in your community. If you’re in Union County, you’ve reached the right place. If you’re somewhere else, we’ll help you figure out where to go next, and if you’re outside New Jersey entirely, RAINN can connect you with a program in your state.
If we ask your age, it’s simply because it helps us understand which services and resources may be available, and make sure the information we share fits your situation. And if we ever ask you something and you’re wondering why — please ask us. We’re always happy to explain.
You don’t have to tell us everything
This might be the most important part of this entire post. You don’t have to tell us your whole story. You don’t have to remember every detail. You don’t have to know exactly what happened. You don’t even have to know why you called.
I’ve heard people begin by saying, “I don’t even know if I should be calling.” I’ve heard people cry before saying a single word. I’ve heard people ask one question and decide that was enough for today. I’ve heard people say, “I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it yet.”
Every one of those conversations is okay. There isn’t a right way to call. We’ll meet you wherever you are.
You are in control
One of the biggest fears people have is that calling means they’ll lose control over what happens next. It doesn’t.
Calling our hotline does not mean you have to report to law enforcement. It doesn’t mean you have to start counseling, or make any decisions that day. Our role isn’t to tell you what to do — it’s to listen, answer your questions, explain your options, and support whatever feels right for you. You get to decide what happens next.
How can we help?
Every person who calls us has different needs. Some are looking for emotional support. Some have questions about what happened. Some are interested in counseling. Some would like advocacy or non-acute accompaniment to a medical, legal, or court appointment. Some simply need another human being to listen. Whatever brings you to us, we’ll meet you with compassion, respect, and without judgment.
It doesn’t matter when it happened
One of the biggest myths I wish we could erase is that there’s a deadline for asking for help. There isn’t. Whether something happened yesterday, last month, ten years ago, or thirty years ago — you are still welcome here. If something happened very recently, our post on first steps after a sexual assault walks through your options.
Healing doesn’t follow a timeline.
Calling for someone you love?
Sometimes the first person to call isn’t the survivor. It’s a parent, a spouse, a sibling, a friend, a teacher. If someone you care about has experienced sexual violence and you’re not sure how to help, you can call us too. We’ll help you understand how to support them while respecting their choices, and our guide on what to say is a good place to start.
Before you go…
If you’ve made it this far, maybe you’re still deciding whether to call. Maybe today isn’t the day. That’s okay. We’ll still be here tomorrow. And next week. And next month. Whenever you’re ready. And if what you need right now is someone to talk to about how you’re feeling, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline takes calls and texts any hour.
You don’t need the perfect words. You don’t need to know exactly what happened. You don’t need to have everything figured out. You just need to know that you don’t have to figure it out alone.
☎ We’re here whenever you’re ready — 908-233-7273
How we can help
At Karolina’s Place, we provide free, confidential sexual violence services to survivors and their loved ones throughout Union County. Our services include:
- A 24-hour confidential sexual violence hotline
- Individual trauma-informed counseling
- Crisis intervention and emotional support
- Non-acute (after the SART 7-day period) accompaniment to medical, legal, and court appointments
- Advocacy with law enforcement and prosecutors when requested by the survivor
- Safety planning
- Trauma-informed support groups
- Information and referrals to community resources — find the right help
- Services in both English and Spanish