Sexual Violence Support: Free, Confidential Help in Union County, NJ

While the legal definitions may vary, the general concept is always the same: Consent is an ongoing process of discussing boundaries and what you're comfortable with.

What is consent?

Consent is an agreement between individuals to engage in sexual activity. Consent should be clearly and freely communicated.

How do you get consent?

You ask and you listen.

Ask:

• Can I kiss you?
• You good?
• Do you want to have sex? 
• Do you like this?
• Is this ok?

Consent CANNOT be given by individuals who are...

• Underage
• Intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol
• Asleep or unconscious
• Coerced
• Threatened or intimidated

What EVERYONE Should Know...

According to New Jersey law, sexual assault is defined as any sexual penetration, no matter how slight, without a person’s consent or with a person who is unable to consent. The law also defines sexual assault as sexual contact under specific circumstances, such as age difference.

 Sexual assault can happen to anyone, anywhere. Knowing the facts can help keep you safe.

What is sexual assault?

• Unwanted fondling, kissing, or sexual touching.
• Forcing a person to look at pornography or pose for sexual pictures.
• Forcing a person to have oral sex.
• Rape or unwanted sexual intercourse.
• Having sex with someone who is unconscious.
• Coercing a person into unwanted fondling, kissing, sexual touching, or sexual intercourse.

Going off to college should be an exciting time for students and their families. University and college campuses can give a sense of security with students knowing and looking out for each other. Unfortunately, sexual assault on college campuses is a common problem that often goes unreported. Research has found that 50% of campus sexual assaults occur during the “Red Zone” (the beginning period of a new school year), especially for students who are new to campus. One in five women and one in sixteen men are sexually assaulted while in college with their highest risk of sexual assault being in the first few months of their first and second semesters.

Why is sexual assault on college campuses so common?

Typically, this “Red Zone” is the time where students frequent more social gatherings. During this time, many young adults use drugs and/or alcohol for the first time, not knowing how they will be affected. Being intoxicated can leave a person unaware of what is happening around them, or to them, making it difficult to consent. Campus sexual assaults often involve drugs and alcohol as one study showed, 15% of young women experienced incapacitated rape during their first year of college. Peer pressure can also play a part. Students may feel pressured to participate in activities such as drinking, using drugs, or engaging in sexual activities that may make them feel uncomfortable. Being “talked” into an unwanted sexual activity for social acceptance is a type of sexual coercion and does not constitute consent.

What are colleges and universities doing to keep campuses safe?

The Campus Sexual Violence Elimination (Campus SaVE) Act was passed in 2013 as an amendment to the Jeanne Clery Act of 1990. While the Clery Act required greater transparency and timely warnings from colleges and universities about crimes that are committed on campus, including crimes of sexual violence, the Campus SaVE Act requires that, and more. Aside from being transparent with the frequency and types of crimes, they are also being required to:

• Maintain statistics and provide explanations of their anti-sexual violence policies and procedures in their annual safety reports.
• Inform survivors of their rights and provide reasonable accommodations and protective measures while on campus and provide information on existing services both on and off campus.
• Provide campus-wide sexual violence prevention and education programs.
• Conduct impartial disciplinary proceedings.

While we cannot prevent sexual assault (REMEMBER: the fault always lies with the assailant/perpetrator) we can incorporate some safety measures to prevent any possible acts of sexual violence. To learn more, check out our “Safety Planning & Risk Reduction” page or visit the links below.

Pennsylvania Coalition to Advance Respect

Office on Women’s Health

American Psychological Association

Drug-Facilitated Sexual Assault can happen to anyone, by anyone, and occurs when alcohol or drugs are used to compromise an individual’s ability to consent to sexual activity. These substances (also known as “date rape drugs”) can lower inhibitions, reduce a person’s ability to resist, and affect memory, making it easier for perpetrators to commit sexual assault.

• Alcohol remains the most commonly used substance in crimes of sexual assault.
• Prescription medications such as sleep aids, anxiety medication, muscle relaxers, and tranquilizers may also be used.
• GHB, Rohypnol (Roofies), Ecstasy, and Ketamine can be added to drinks without changing the color, flavor, or odor. Alcohol is also known to enhance the effects of these substances.

Research shows that 2 percent of people who are stalked were also sexually assaulted by the perpetrator, and 31 percent of women who are stalked by an intimate partner were also sexually assaulted by that partner.

Sexual violence affects survivors in many ways, including how they feel about their bodies. Some survivors use food to cope with trauma or to manage feelings that seem too big to handle. Controlling what you eat or how much you exercise can quiet hard emotions and give a short-term sense of control. Over time, these coping patterns can turn into eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa, binge eating disorder, and bulimia nervosa.

Eating disorders are complex mental illnesses. They show up around food and body image, but they usually aren't really about food or wanting to look thinner. They're ways of coping with painful feelings and experiences. Understanding that connection helps all of us be more compassionate with the people in our lives, and recovery goes best with steady support from family and friends.

Like sexual violence, eating disorders can affect anyone at any age. There's no single cause, but trauma is a common thread, so good treatment cares for both the eating disorder and the trauma underneath it.

People at higher risk because of trauma include:

• Survivors of sexual abuse, especially abuse that happened at a young age
• Survivors or witnesses of domestic violence
• People living with PTSD

Warning signs of an eating disorder:

• Dramatic weight loss or gain
• Preoccupation with food, calories, and dieting
• Strict rules and categories for foods they will and won't eat
• Wearing very baggy clothing
• Yellowing teeth or bad breath
• Frequent trips to the bathroom around mealtimes
• Cold hands or a lower body temperature
• Avoiding eating out or visiting during mealtimes
• Mealtime rituals like chewing excessively, cutting food into tiny bites, or pushing food around the plate

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, treatment is available and recovery is possible. These links have more information and support:

Connection between eating disorders and sexual violence

RAINN.org: How Sexual Violence Affects Mental Health

Building Bridges Between Eating Disorders and Sexual Violence

Trauma and Eating Disorders

Eating Disorder Hope

National Alliance for Eating Disorders

Sexual assault not only affects the survivor, but everyone around them. As a loved one, you may not always know how to provide the right type of support when it is needed most, and that is okay. Supporting someone after they have been sexually assaulted is a selfless act of kindness. You may not be able to erase their pain, but you can be a vital source of comfort as they heal.

If a friend or family member has been assaulted, here are some tips on how you can help:

1. Listen - It takes a lot of courage for a survivor to open up and share what they have experienced. Thank them for trusting you enough to share their story and assure them that they can trust you to keep it confidential, unless they ask otherwise. While they share their story, don't try to change the subject to something less painful or act uncomfortable (if possible). 

2. Believe and Validate - Many survivors feel a sense of guilt, shame, or have fears of not being believed. You can help ease those feelings by reminding them that sexual assault survivors are never at fault. Simply saying 'I believe you, and I'm sorry this happened to you' can help them feel validated.

3. Ask How You Can Help - Making a survivor feel heard and validating their feelings can bring them a sense of relief, but they may still be dealing with emotions they are not ready to face. Gently ask them how you can help them. It is okay to make suggestions on steps to take, but it is important to respect their decisions. The healing process and time frame is different for everyone. Being forceful with them may cause them to withdraw or shutdown completely.

4. Offer Resources - Sexual assault is motivated by power and control. One of the best ways to help empower a survivor is to encourage them to make informed decisions regarding their care and treatment. It is okay to offer resources, like Karolina's Place, but respect the way they accept them. If the survivor feels that they are ready to do so, remind them that you are there to support them while they take this next step.

5. Practice Self Care - Even though it didn't happen to you, providing support to your loved one can take a powerful toll. Hearing the details of their story may leave you feeling drained and like you can't really handle much else. Take time off to do things that make you feel good; take a walk, read a book, watch your favorite t.v. show, etc. It is equally important for you to care for your own mental and emotional well being.